If you knew the number of pages
Where I have scribbled that I am okay
That I am loved, appreciated, understood
You would just make fun of me
Say that I am watching too many YouTube self help videos
If you knew the number of nights I have whispered to myself
That its okay, its just a phase, that things will turn around
When I had to change the side of my pillow
Because it was just too wet from my tears to sleep on
You will laugh and tell me I am such a crybaby
If you knew the number of books I have read
Without reading them, without remembering titles or characters
Trying to distract, trying to pass time while waiting
For your calls or messages, for anything from you
You will say that I am being a stage 5 Clinger
If you knew the number of times I ask myself
What did I do wrong, what should I have changed
What should I have offered, what did I lack
Should I have given in or held on or given up
You will ask me why I stayed if I am not sure
If you knew that I don’t give a damn anymore
Will it change anything for you?
Would you think good riddance, thank god
Or that you lost something valuable ?
Did you really EVER give a damn at all?
Ms Skyfall 