Please Don’t…

jesus
Please don’t make her fight for a decent Death too

Well… well… well…

It’s been a while.
So long that I am fumbling with the keyboard.
So long that I don’t know where to begin and how to.
Past few months have not been easy
Was it ever, I wonder…

When you have to mother your Mother
When you have to raise your voice
When cajoling stops working
When pleading stops affecting
To simply make her have food
Swallow white and yellow tabs and colored capsules
When she cries helplessly in your arms
You remember you did the same
When she was the mother and you  were the child

She was kind all her life
She planted trees and gave shelter to thousands
She never swore, was never malicious
She lived all her life
Struggling to live the right way
She ate well, did yoga, forgave all mistakes
Of everyone, even when they didn’t deserve it
Gave more than she ever got
She tried her damn best to not give up
On herself, on those dependent on her
She believed in good deeds, she believed in the Almighty power
Now she doesn’t.
Shot twice with Cancer
One she dodged with scars on her chest
Second one, hit her square in the lungs
Knocked the wind right out of her

Life has a way of laughing in your face
All the ways and shortcuts to a good life
Methods and formulas for balancing the good and the bad
Ten tips to get peaceful death, ticket to Heaven?
All these are just a farce
Carefully constructed lies
In the end we are all being played
They say, Man proposes and God disposes
I believe, he then laughs from above the clouds
I have Faith, yet I question it now
At the end of day I lose
That helpless, that clueless
Nowhere to go for help
I keeping knocking at the doors of Heaven
Defeated, I pray harder now
Please don’t make her struggle more
Don’t make her fight for every breath
She has fought all her life
Please don’t make her fight for a decent Death too
Please don’t…
Please please don’t…

*

2 thoughts on “Please Don’t…

  1. This is really moving. I know no two people have the same experiences but the emotion you conveyed reminded me a lot of how I felt over the course of my grandmother’s journey with Alzheimer’s. Thank you for writing this, it was beautiful.

    Like

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