So today I bid adieus to my team and friends in my company. Paperwork and farewell speech and last mails, photocopying, printing…
I had given up all hopes of meeting the Hero and baring my heart. I was devising secret plans on how to tell him. Really, but my imagination was dead by that time and I was painfully aware of all those days and missed chances that I could have told but didn’t.
But destiny had other plans for me. I walked out of that fateful entrance door and there he was! Standing and having coffee and talking to some guy…
Ever heard the phrase that my heart flipped? Well, it did. All the courage and resolution that I will talk to him was knocked out of me in one breath. In one word, I panicked, chickened out.
I was talking and laughing and saying farewell to known and unknown people, working on the last forty pages of my report, but my mind was else where. Words danced in front of me, rearranging themselves into conversations, I tried various scenarios and approaches… damn.. it was damn pathetic. I am glad there is no window into my mind, because everything was out-of-place and absolute chaos.
I gave up editing the report and went to say bye to team members. He was there, as usual with his group of friends, probably telling them how good his holidays went. I almost stopped to say bye, that today is my last day, that probably I wont see you again. But again I walked away.
Annual day celebrations was going on in full throttle and I was just painfully aware of his presence. To talk or not to talk. When he went, when he came, where he sat and his laugh, that reached even my ears even in the deafening music and crowd. Can you see how desperate I was… Never in my life did I find myself in such a position and I pray that I don’t ever have to go through this torture again.
He disappeared, again. And I left the party, ready log out for the last time.
But he was back again. This was the only chance. Last chance.
So I came out before he left and waited. Most embarrassing frustrating painful ten minutes of my life.
“Hi, C….., Can I talk to you for two minutes?”
Please don’t ask what I told how I told and the other details. But I just blurted out something and all… I did mention crush, The crushing saga, the blog, awkward, sorry, and please, and more please don’t tell this to anybody…. and some more similar words. Never gave him a chance to reply. Was I ready to hear anything? No. I don’t think so.
“Would you like to read it?
And he said yes. .
Why did I want to tell him about this so badly? I don’t know. Unreasonable illogical attraction.
For me, he stood out in the crowd. Something deep in his eyes, pulled at my heart-strings. I confessed without hopes of anything in return. I don’t remember when was the last time I was this excited or embarrassed, for that matter. I had shelved all sorts of romantic ideas long long back. The thing is, I just wanted to say it.
For the first time, I realized the trauma of all those men who get on their knees to make The Proposal. Not that this any kind of proposal… It is not. I repeat, IT IS NOT! But still, I got a taste of the tension and the shiver that runs down the spine when you can’t keep it in your heart any longer.
I just hope that he doesn’t laugh finally reading all this. Nor a girlfriend emerges who’ll come and throw her stilettos at me.
With this ends The Crushing Saga and hopefully a tale of friendship begins.
(Probably this is the most awkward way to start a friendship)
Thank you my dear readers.
This journey has been lot more interesting because of you all.