SOS: Out of Control

cartoon-2This has really gone over-the-board.

I no longer know, how much of it is real and how much of it is my imagination. Something which started off as a curiosity, respect and attraction, is consuming me; day and night. He should have stayed just as my muse and let me do the stories. But, he seems to disagree with my decisions. And now, he is all over my mind, dreams, and thoughts.

There is not a quiet moment in the office. Consciously, sub-consciously and unconsciously I start looking for him. I identify his voice even from far. I strain to hear him laugh. He has become the first thing I seek out as soon as I enter the office. I feel shy if he is somewhere nearby. All the days I work late, I hope he also works late so that I don’t have to watch him leave.

Childish… Gross… Ewwwwww… I know…

But I feel like a teenager all over again and I don’t know what to do now. I have this stupid grin plastered on my lips whenever I think of him. I have started to see his face in strangers.

Our teams are different and there is absolutely no occasion for us to interact work-wise. And outside, I don’t know how to talk to him and what to talk to him, and that too, without making a fool of myself. This was meant to be a source of entertainment for me. I am afraid, it has become a source of entertainment for him. (I think I have creeped him out.) Though my usual approach is attack from the front, for some reason, I cannot imagine going commando on him. I can’t…

He has a swarm of friends. He is like that popular basketball player that all girls is the college go gaga over and I am like that unattractive nerdy girl who admires the Hero from far, whose place is forever in the stands.

I’ll admit- I am afraid of rejection, of humiliation. I am sure he’ll be polite.
But, toleration, is still worse.

I don’t know which one is stronger…
The pull to talk to him or to save myself and run to the hills whenever I see him.

A crush gone wrong…

Other episodes of The Crushing Saga 

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