What it feels like to give up your autonomy…

I know how it feels to be free and when someone rules your mind and body. While the former gives you a high, peace and happiness; the latter stifles and knocks the breath out of you.

When relationships calls for you to sacrifice your autonomy, in the name of love; that’s when you need to escape it. Its no longer love; but an acquisition and merger deal. Your partner ceases to be a partner, literally, and becomes the dictator of your life.

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My Life, My Rules

Restrictions on what you should do and what you shouldn’t makes your mind unknowingly search for loopholes to escape. Lies become a part of the conversations; excuses emerge, arguments take control and love disappears.

What is the need to control a person? Why suddenly decide he/she should not do certain things, should not go anywhere with anyone? Everyone is perfectly capable of deciding what is good and bad for them. Everyone is fine, until somebody comes and lays down the rules? Why is this urge to own the other person?

Love is not taking control. It is giving control; in the hope that it will not be exerted.
An authority that exists, but not used or abused.
It is a trust; that understand the differences and respect each other’s decisions.

For two years, I also gave up my autonomy; thinking its a small price to pay for love. However, it turned out to be a heavy price to lead a peaceful life. Nothing was ever enough. Everything led to a fight. And, slowly everything ended right before my eyes.

It is tough to live apart. But it was still ,ore tough to live together. So, I said enough. We both have been hurt enough, damaged enough. Let us walk away and leave the little bit of love between us alive. As a vestige.

As a parting gift, we gave back the ownership of each other lives.
To live and let live.
To love and let love be.

And, I am Autonomous again.

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